One Step at a Time

So, we’ve been back now for just over 3 months.  For those of you who don’t know, Candace and I spent from Aug. – Dec. in Sierra Leone (check out our journey at www.hewitts.wordpress.com).  Right around 1 year ago, Candace and I applied to go to Freetown with Word Made Flesh.  When I look at the past year, all the crazy ups and downs, from CO to TN to Sierra Leone then back, it all happened so fast that part of me starts to question whether any of it was really real.

One year ago I was an engineer and Candace was a special education assistant and life was ‘good,’ at least on the outside.  Good money, comfortable life, nice apartment, good church, etc.  We were truly on our way towards the ‘American dream’, the road commonly travelled.  But, like so many others, we felt life was empty and purposeless.  We decided to ask God what was out there that we were missing.  He began to open our eyes and we decided to follow him down that road, the road less travelled, which eventually took us to Sierra Leone.

Now, here we are, we’re back, but don’t really feel like we have gone very far.  We haven’t found any answers, just more questions.  However, life is brighter, more meaningful; we see the bigger picture.  We see God’s heart for this world.  Right now I am a substitute teacher, baseball coach, math tutor, janitor, and anything else that I can find to help pay the bills.  This week I’ve been getting up at 4:30 A.M. to go clean toilets for a bunch of government offices…..but I’m happy, so much happier than when I was drawing a fat paycheck for sitting at a desk all day as an engineer.  No regrets.  I’ve realized that this road may not be pretty or easy, but it’s good.   What is it about this world that makes security and comfort and money SEEM so important?  It has really boggled my mind lately, trying to understand why these things seem as though life is dependent upon them, and prevent us from stepping off the path of control and security. It took us so long to trust and believe that God had something better.

Anyways, something tells me that, even though we’ve taken a few steps down the road less travelled, we’re not too far from where we started.  And that the other road will continue to call out, and look apppealing. However, I have to think back, and remember that it is along this road that I’ve encountered God -  not in the megachurches or the shopping malls or the 3-story houses, but in Kroo Bay, in the streets of Freetown and CO Springs, in the poor and marginalized.  And because of that, there’s no turning back.

On our way…..

Well, it’s almost midnight and we’re heading out around 8:00 in the morning.  Knoxville to Detroit to London to Freetown.  It will take about 30 hours to get there, which I’m definitely not looking forward to.  But honestly, I think I’ll need that 30 hours to both decompress and process these last few weeks here at home in Tennessee as well as prepare myself for the next 4 months in Freetown.  Anyways, we’re not sure how reliable the internet will be in Freetown or how often we’ll be able to access it, so this may be my last blog on here for a while.  We’ll definitely be updating our Sierra Leone blog so check it out to get updates on our trip. 

March Madness

 As many of you probably know, it’s that time of year again.  March Madness is coming, and if you’re like me, you’ve made sure that the next 4 weekends are clear of anything that will interfere with this sacred month of college hoops.  Those of you that know me, know that I’m a big sports fan and a HUGE Tar Heel fan.  Honestly, ‘HUGE’ doesn’t even do it justice.  I have to admit, UNC basketball is not something I just enjoy watching ……  it’s personal. 

What is it about sports that bring this out in guys?  Just ask my wife, I’m a different person during a UNC game.  Honestly, there are guys that I absolutely can’t stand  simply because of the team they play for (i.e. anyone associated with Duke).  It’s almost as if some part of me associates myself with ‘my team’.  Have you ever noticed that…. you ask someone how a certain team did in a game and the response you get is “We won”.  We.  As though in some way ‘we’, sitting on our couches at home, contributed to the success of the team.  For me, it’s even more personal than that.  If by some act of God UNC loses a game, it puts me in a bad mood for the rest of the day.  Something within me feels so let down, deflated, as though I am experiencing the pain of defeat with them.  Now, some of you probably think I’m crazy, and I know this isn’t right, but it’s there.  You can’t just tell someone that is attached to their dog that it’s ‘just an animal’ or to just ’let go’ (I know, stupid analogy). 

 Anyways,  this is something that is really amazing to me and I would really like to understand the connection between men and ‘their’ teams.  Maybe I need some professional counseling or something.  Luckily I’m not alone, because I know there are millions of guys like me that will be glued to the TV for the next month, watching in anticipation, joining in with their team in the joy of victory, and shedding tears with their team in the agony of defeat. 

Time

So I spent all day Tuesday at a time management seminar for my job….. which to those of you who know me is probably pretty amusing, considering I’m one of the most anal and overly-organized people you’ll ever meet.  Anyways, our speaker was a lady named ‘Sunny’ who I’m pretty sure I’ve seen on a few infomercials in the past.  Needless to say the whole day was pretty amusing.  Two of my favorite quotes that I had to write down were:

-”We start to experience the magical properties of the time matrix”

-”You soon begin to turn your dreams into realities”

My favorite moments were the videos with the still-framed pics of people loving life, having fun, holding their babies, etc., along with the cheesy sayings and the soft piano music in the background.  Let me tell you, I was fighting back the tears.  Overall, it just seemed sad. The majority of these people were so overwhelmed with life or were striving so hard to get ahead that they were willing to shell out a lot of money and a whole day for this seminar.  All in a hope to learn the steps they need to take to get their life in order – just follow steps 1 through 7 and your life will be great.  It’s so American, we’re always wanting the quick fix.   All in all, it just reminded me of the need for simplicity in my life.  It reminded me how desperately I want a life that is free from all the demands and expectations of our American culture. 

Society

‘Society’ by Eddie Vedder

Into the Wild Soundtrack

 

It’s a mystery to me,
we have a greed with which we have agreed.

You think you have to want more than you need,
until you have it all you won’t be free.

Society, you’re a crazy breed,
I hope you’re not lonely without me.

When you want more than you have you think you need, and when you think more than you want thoughts begin to bleed. I think I need to find a bigger place, cause when you have more than you think you need more space.

Society, you’re a crazy breed
I hope you’re not lonely without me
Society, crazy and deep
I hope you’re not lonely without me

There’s those thinking more or less, less is more
but if less is more how are you keeping score?
Means for every point you make your level drops,
kinda like its starting from the top, you can’t do that…

Society, you’re a crazy breed
I hope you’re not lonely without me
Society, crazy and deep
I hope you’re not lonely without me

Society, have mercy on me
I hope you’re not angry if I disagree
Society, crazy and deep
I hope you’re not lonely without me

Work

This is where I work, this is my domain.   I had some time today to do some thinking.  That was a bad idea:

8 hr/day x 5 day/week = 40 hr/week 

40 hr/week x 50 weeks/year (minus vacation) = 2000 hr/year

2000 hr/year x 40 year = 80,000 hours

80,000 hours/ 24 hr/day =  3333.33 days  

3333.33 days =  9 years, 48 days 

 I could be sitting at this desk for over 9 years of my life.  Is there any way someone can just kill me 9 years before I’m supposed to die?  That sounds like a much better deal to me. 

Voicemail

Why is it impossible to get ahold of anyone any more?  Really.  It’s odd to call and NOT get someone’s voicemail.  And what’s even worse, I’m actually surprised and grateful when someone actually calls me back or responds.  That’s pretty sad.  I’m sitting here this afternoon just trying to get some things done, but I can’t…. because I can’t reach anyone and no one will respond to my messages.  Literally, I can think of 7 people right now that I’ve left e-mail, voicemail, etc. and I’m waiting for them to get back in touch with me so that I can move forward.  I hate our culture. 

Blogging….

I finally gave in and set up a blog. I’ve been thinking about it for over a year now but I finally did something about it. Not like this blog is for anyone else but myself, but it’s still nice to have. I guess this is my way of spilling everything that I’m thinking about without people having to listen, which honestly is probably the way most of us would want it to be. It seems like the more men I’m around the more I realize that everybody wants to talk, to share what’s going on, to offer their thoughts on something. The problem in our world isn’t that people don’t want to talk, it’s that they don’t want to listen. The world has taught us to be so focused inwardly that it doesn’t even register with us to truly listen to someone else. Most of the time you get a few people in a group and instead of everyone listening, everyone’s waiting for their chance to speak. Maybe I’m bitter or biased, but it seems the more people I’m around the more this holds true. I would venture to say that it’s simply a by-product of American culture. I’m not trying to over-analyze this but it’s pretty obvious to me that we’ve become such pros at living our own lives that we’re forgetting how to interact. I believe this is the primary reason that we’ve never experienced the degree of crowded loneliness that we are today. Anyways, I guess I’m just giving in to this all by starting a blog. Maybe a blog is what everyone needs, that way we can all say as much as we want without ever having to waste our time listening to anyone else. We get to say everything we want without ever really engaging with others.