The Lifeboat

I’ve been doing a lot of thinking about my life lately and I keep realizing that in many ways I don’t like the person I am.  I don’t like how defensive, selfish, cold-hearted, up-tight, manipulative, etc. I am.  I’ve been really struggling with how to change these things?  Where do they come from?  I don’t believe that it’s just a matter of will or choice, these things are deeply rooted somewhere. 

This book I have been reading talks about how ever since the Fall, our world has operated with a “lifeboat mentality.”  Because we’re no longer in relationship with God, we all walk around operating as though we’re fighting for a spot in a lifeboat that doesn’t have enough room for everyone.  It’s pretty evident when you look at our world.  We are constantly trying to prove to a jury of our peers (most of whom we don’t know) that we’re good-looking enough, smart enough, cool enough, etc.  for a spot in the lifeboat.  And it’s their opinion that is the final say.  So when something happens that threatens our position in the lifeboat, it triggers something within us.  Why in the world do we get so mad when someone cuts us off?  Something deep down feels we’re not respected or important, and we feel our identity being threatened.  For me this was a huge realization because I know I definitely operate like this, and I started to see it as the core behind many of these characteristics of myself that I don’t like.  The problem is that the lifeboat mentality binds us down and keeps us from living and loving freely.  It keeps us from being our true selves.  What’s encouraging is to see how Christ lived in this world; he knew there was no lifeboat.  He knew that His identity was in His relationship with the Father.  One of my favorite paragraphs in the book says this:

“Imagine how much a man’s life would be changed if he trusted that he was loved by God?  He could interact with the poor and not show partiality, he could love his wife easily and not expect her to redeem him, he would slow to anger because redemption was no longer at stake, he could be wise and giving with his money because money no longer represented points, he could give up on formulaic religion, knowing that checking stuff off a spiritual to-do list was a worthless pursuit, he would have confidence and the ability to laugh at himself, and he could love people without expecting anything in return.  It would be quite beautiful, really.”

To me, that sounds like freedom.  That’s what I long for, freedom from trying to prove myself, freedom to love, freedom to live as God intended.

God Grew Tired of Us

Last week, I watched the documentary “God Grew Tired of Us” .  The film follows the stories of three ‘Lost Boys’ of Sudan’.  The Lost Boys were a group of approximately 27,000 boys who were displaced or orphaned when civil war broke out in 1983 in Sudan.  The boys joined together and walked for nearly two months across Sudan to Ethiopia, but were then forced to leave three years later.  At that time they headed towards Kenya in a year long trek with only about 10,000 making it to the Kakuma Refugee camp in Kenya.  The documentary follows the journey for three of the Lost Boys as they get relocated to America in 2001.  It’s funny watching these young men as they are introduced to the ”normalcies” of American culture, as someone shows them how to turn on a light, use a clock, a key, a light, a refrigerator, etc.  It’s difficult to even begin to imagine the culture shock they encounter. 

As the boys start to experience life in America, many of the boys are required to work 2-3 jobs to survive and send money back to Africa.  The guys soon start to raise questions about American culture that I thought were both interesting and convicting.  As they share about life in Africa, they note how important relationships and community were to them in the refugee camp, and how that doesn’t exist in America.  One guy also tells about a woman he saw sitting along the street who was upset.  He couldn’t understand why everyone would just walk past her.  He noted how in Kakuma (refugee camp) that would never happen.  If someone was hurting you tried to help, mainly because everyone understood the hard times each other was facing.  When Christmas came around, they begin asking about the materialism and the idea of Santa Claus, wondering if Santa was in the Bible.   They share that in Kakuma, they spend Christmas dancing and singing and celebrating the birth of Christ.  They have no presents or christmas trees, just celebration of Christ. 

It’s all funny and sad to me because we in America think we have it all figured out.  We hear stories of poverty and feel sorry for people, sorry that they don’t have all this ’stuff’ that would make them ‘happy’.  The thing I’m realizing is that we’re the ones that are missing out.  We’re the ones running the rat race, trying to keep up, and missing out on true life in the process. These guys have spent the majority of their lives in refugee camps without enough food, water, or medical care, but they are still happier than many Americans.  These Lost Boys realize that life in the midst of the poverty, which is a life they live TOGETHER, is more fulfilling and worthwhile than the life of abundance we live in here in America.   It makes me wonder where I’m trying to find life.  Where is my comfort, my security, my joy?  Am I pursuing things in this life that will bring true life, or things that will just make me comfortable?  I hate to see how I’ve believed the lies of America for so much of my life. 

Tragedy

                                                                                                                                                               Myanmar: 

Red Cross fears death toll may be as high as 128,000

2.5 million in need of food, water, shelter and medical care.

China :

Current death toll at 22,000

At least 14,000 still buried

At least 4.8 million homeless

 

When tragedies like these happen, it seems to bring up all kinds of questions.  I want to focus on just one of those questions right now -  Why in the hell don’t we care?  These statistics are so staggering that it’s impossible to really get our mind around it.  Maybe that’s why we don’t even try.  That’s just what they are to us – statistics.  Somehow we’ve numbed ourselves or learned to turn a blind eye to the reality of the pain and suffering that people around the world are enduring. 

I’ve started doing some observations whenever disasters or tragedy happens.  I’ve started observing the media and their coverage of these things.  It’s really amazing.  Whenever an American tragedy occurs, the coverage dominates every headline and news program for weeks, even though the death tolls from these events (9/11 = 2752; Katrina = 4081; Iraq = 4078) pale in comparison to the staggering numbers from these other disasters.  However, when an event that is even more catastrophic occurs somewhere else, after a day or two, it usually makes the headlines right between the latest American Idol cut and the top ten ways to secure a better career.  My guess is it’s because these American events hit so close to home.  These events make Americans realize that our country is not invincible or untouchable, and that we’re not above it all.  It shakes up our nice, comfortable little lives and makes us realize for a moment that we’re not as secure as we thought.

I don’t even know where I’m going with all this.  I just know this freakin’ country makes me sick.  We’re so arrogant and caught up in our own little worlds, that we don’t even want to think about the pain and suffering going on elsewhere, let alone actually give up some of our own luxuries to make a difference.  At least we’ll all be in church Sunday morning, singing to Jesus, thanking him for all the ‘blessings’ he’s given us.   We are a ‘Christian’ country after all, right?  Or that’s what the statistics say, with 78.5% of Americans considering themselves Christians.  I know I’m making a lot of judgemental, blanket statements, and I know that this doesn’t apply to everyone, but overall I’m just sick of our ‘Christian’ culture and the American Jesus we’ve created.  I wonder what the real Jesus would’ve thought about America.